TW: this isn’t funny, it’s sort of a bummer. also, shootings.
I don’t have kids, so I can’t pretend to know what it feels like to lose a child. I’m over 40 and was out of high school for a few years before Columbine ever happened. I can’t relate to that sort of trauma either. I feel incredibly lucky to have grown up in a slightly less terrifying America than those who came after me. I was raised in the deep south with yankee parents who relocated in search of a better life than the rust belt could provide. Guns were introduced into my life in the south via friends, but they weren’t something that my parents were “into”. In their minds, they had moved across the country for a better life. Getting out of a “neighborhood in decline” and into a three bedroom ranch in the suburbs was their version of safety. Years later we found out that my dad had a pistol permit (mom was pissed) but at no point in time was I aware of a gun in my house, or would I ever have been able to find it. I say this with confidence because let’s be honest, all teenagers snoop. As an adult, my opinion of guns is a pro-choice stance. They aren’t right for everyone, but it’s their choice. (reasonable weapons) My stance on assholes is 100 percent, anti. There. I said it. I’m anti-asshole.
I’ve spent the last few days obsessing over the blatant way our society is completely comfortable with compounding the trauma of shooting survivors. I feel like this is a uniquely American situation. Maybe it’s the decades of teaching “exceptionalism” that got us here, or maybe it’s the capitalism that drives our stop at nothing approach to get clicks or maybe deep down we are just assholes. I don’t know. What I do know is that if you are genuinely ok with someone taunting a survivor of trauma, YOU are the problem. I know that no matter how many Sunday mornings you spend in a pew, your silence as someone terrorizes another will not be forgiven. Tithe all you want. At the end of the day, sitting idly by and watching someone attack a victim will in fact be your first class ticket to hell.
If I lost a child or a friend in a shooting of any kind (let alone a massive tragedy like a school shooting) and was then harassed day in and day out by strangers with nothing better to do, I can’t imagine I’d be able to stay sane. If that same stranger was then elected to a position of authority within my federal government, not only would my sanity being tattered, but I ‘d also begin to lose any sense of community. Maybe I would rationalize it by saying they were elected by strangers that lived states away. That might help a little. I could lean into my belief in the American system of “free speech” and convince myself that these strangers have a right to their candidate of choice. If that same meat sack was then elevated by other American politicians from all over the country and placed anywhere near the education system, my brain would snap. That is a reasonable response to endless, intentional trauma. What could the end game possibly be for politicians? Do they want a Parkland kid to snap and shoot a member of congress in the face?
The only explanation for dozens of elected officials condoning this behavior? The powers that be want us to go to war with each other. Period. They have been shoving guns down our throat, amping up divisiveness and now, when given the slightest opportunity to model leadership, they fold. Toss in the pandemic removing basic human connection to those closest to us, season it with financial instability and voila, your citizens will spend their free time actively working to rip each others jugulars out. It’s happening. It is state sanctioned and it is televised. That last part is how I know this isn’t a revolution. Revolutions don’t get all day coverage from the media. No, we are in the midst of a devolution. A slow and steady decline for the masses, while the wealthy hoard resources.
I don’t have answers. My greatest weapon has been humor, and these days every time I sit down to write, it becomes, well, THIS. I’m trained in finding funny, in the darkest of times, yet my brain can’t stop going down the path that ends up at civil war, what that looks like and why the people in charge are throwing powder kegs at us.
A few years ago I’d tell myself to focus on the good. To create the change I want to see. To strive for the middle ground and hold faith that in the end, goodness always prevails. Today I can’t be so sure. Take care of each other y’all.
Hope for the best, order a gas mask and some seeds for the worst .